


Pull The Rope Tight.  1/1.

by punky_96



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 00:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10650834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punky_96/pseuds/punky_96
Summary: Callie reflects, learns and moves on.





	Pull The Rope Tight.  1/1.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ragelikeafire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ragelikeafire/gifts).



**Pull The Rope Tight. 1/1. ******

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The rain came down as it always does, victim of gravity every time, and Callie sighed as she watched the water smears on the glass. Seattle was just a large fountain where the water swirled down the drain, only to be recycled up into the skies to wash down again. She felt the same slow cycle flowing in her veins as the blood was pushed around by her heart. ‘Both empty.’ She sighed to herself as she rested her jaw against the palm of her hand and leaned against the window, letting the cold leech into her soul. Water fountain Seattle was empty except for whatever passersby threw into it before they left, just as Addie and Erica had done. Her heart was empty except for the debris in much the same way. Closing her eyes, Callie felt the rain sting against the back of her eyes before it breached her eyelids and slipped down her cheeks to drip off of her jaw. Life might be a miracle, but maybe the miracle wasn’t existence, but survival.

*** *** ***

Wiping her tears away Callie turned to the bookcase where she pulled down a curled picture from behind the frame of her family photo. Sniffling she threw herself down on the couch and stared at it for many long minutes. They had gone to Derek’s property to play with Doc and just get away. Addison had just waved off Callie’s question of why she still seemed so close to Derek, “We’ll always be in each other’s lives.”

The chill of the lake water was hard to shake even after they had showered in Derek’s too small shower and stolen his flannel shirts and sweats. It was too weird to sit at the dinky table so they had settled outside as the sun went down. Callie got her camera from the car and came back to snap a photo before they lost the light. Addison beamed at her, clutching both of their coffees in her hands. Her red hair was pulled up in a loose bun, her face was fresh with the joy of a day well wasted, and the camera loved her almost as much as Callie did.

Looking down at the photo in her hand, Callie recalled how Addie had called her ‘Sugar.’ Eventually they had made a fire in the rock-strewn ring Derek had piled firewood around. Addison found a scratchy wool blanket and they lay down together there. The night had seemed to stretch on forever as they laughed, drank coffee, and did everything except lasso the moon and the stars and pull the rope tight.

‘Maybe if we had, she’d still be here.’ Callie hugged her legs to her finally weeping against the cotton, big salty tears that tasted like regret and soaked all the way through to her skin.

*** *** ***

Callie awoke before the dawn and moaned when she rubbed her eyes and felt the residual grit of the night. Her eyes were still puffy when she looked, but at least she hadn’t spent the whole night staring at the phone. Slipping on her favorite purple shorts and grey hoodie, Callie reached for her socks that never seemed to match, and then her running shoes. It wasn’t her favorite activity, in fact it was like the broccoli of exercise for her, but there was no denying the release of her thoughts as she focused on her feet hitting the pavement in a regular beat and then focused on the mental push to finish just that little bit faster than before. The exhaustion afterwards left her blissfully blank so that she could shower and start the day.

The previous night spent with the memory of Addison had let her awaken with the knowledge of what went wrong. It hadn’t been real to her then. Callie had gone along riding the wave of the present, throwing glitter into the air and following the sparkles. Addison took her breath away, but Callie never thought beyond that. Addison never pushed for more, but when the time was right, she had moved on with her life. ‘You’re beautiful, Sugar.’ Addison had kissed her that last day. Only Callie hadn’t known—she hadn’t known it was love, nor that it was the end. If only she’d known, Callie used to think, but she doesn’t know now what she would have even done. Addison was the walk before the run, the breathe before the kiss, and the fear before the flames. Callie hadn’t realized what she meant to her, until she was gone, because she wasn’t ready.

*** *** ***

Callie spent her day in the Pit. It wasn’t her official job, but it was light in Ortho and she liked the delicate balance between mundane and total chaos. So much had changed since she came to Seattle Grace, but the Pit, well, the Pit never really changed. ‘High school with scalpels.’ She had told McVet once. It still seemed accurate, but maybe just maybe instead of being a kid all the time, maybe some of them had become staff. Helping Miranda Bailey, Callie found herself smiling for the first time in a long time. Maybe all this soul-searching hadn’t been for nothing?

Addison had left without much notice, but the signs were there—now that Callie could look back with less childish eyes. Erica had done that—made her see. Callie drove by her house on the way home from work. It wasn’t on the way, but it seemed necessary. Callie could feel herself on the edge of something—a big change or decision. She wasn’t sure what, but things had been building up without her knowledge or understanding and it was time for something to happen. She wondered if this was what a caterpillar felt like before it locked itself up in a cocoon.

‘We don’t even know what we are yet. So, how does Mark Sloan know? Why are you talking to him instead of me?’

Erica had been… Callie wasn’t even sure. Sitting in her car outside of the house that Erica had once lived in, Callie wasn’t sure and she was certain that if she did, she’d be better off. Of course Erica had been right, why hadn’t she talked to her instead of Sloan? He was her friend. Addison was her friend. Kind of. Addison had left and there hadn’t really been anything said, just a long interval of silence. But she came back, she came back and threw Callie’s world into a spiral that she wasn’t ready for. ‘Are you speaking the Vagina Monologues?’ How could that well-meaning question really have set this all off?

Every interaction with Erica had become suspect and awkward turtle from that point on, and Addison had disappeared again. There had never been jealousy or pressure from her either, just a gentle teasing. She wondered what the red head and the blonde had talked about when she was dancing with Sloan anyway. Addison might have even told her to not break Callie’s heart. It wouldn’t actually surprise her at this point.

If Addison was too soon, then Erica was just right. Erica was the stranger she had finally invited inside. Her blond curls weren’t the red bob, but Callie had closed her eyes and trusted it. When all was said and done, Callie had stepped up to Erica that night in front of the hospital and looked fear in the face and said I just don’t care. That one kiss had taken her half past the point of no return. It was the tip of the ice burg, but it was also the beginning of the burn.

Callie hadn’t known Erica like she had Addie—which proved fatal to the possibility of them. Erica had wanted to know, to define them, and express the feelings she was overwhelmed with. Callie couldn’t shake the feeling she had done this before only to be left holding her heart in her hands. Sloan had been there, it was natural to talk to him. He never pressured her.

Erica had to leave. The breach of ethics left her no choice. It was a line she could not walk away from and so she had walked away from Callie. Unable to fault her, but also unable to follow her, Callie had stayed where she was clinging to an uncertain shore.

Picking up her cell phone, Callie dialed. “Mama? I’m taking that position in Miami.” Turning the key in the ignition, Callie didn’t look back as she pulled away. Maybe the truth was that Erica was too soon, too. In any case, she had learned all she was going to from Seattle. It was time to lasso the moon and stars again, maybe this time to pull that rope tight.

**Fin ******

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